missing the Bills opener

I got Bills season tickets in 1996 and for the 1st time in all those years, outside of what happened last year, I won't be going to the home opener...and why? Loneliness

When I first got seasons, I had a pair and my buddy and I always had people coming along. When he dropped his, he just came along with me and it was like that for 6 years minus a few games here and there. In 2006, it all changed...he quit coming to games altogether even though I had already bought the seats. I sat alone most of that year but I knew plenty of the people around me and I had my work with the Jills. When I dropped the extra seat in 2007, I saved some money and the aggravation of trying to find someone to go with...but I still had everything else. When I switched seats in 2011, I still had my Jills work and I already knew some people in my new section. It started going downhill the following season after the Jills director slandered me...the work was a little less enjoyable and then when she shut down the squad after allegations of mistreatment came to light in a lawsuit, it dried up completely. Interesting that the mistreatment started after I was gone but that's another story. I still knew people around me so I could still enjoy the games...to an extent. As bad as the team was, the games got less fun.

In 2018, I dropped my seasons for a variety of reasons...taking time off work was getting harder..I was buying a house...the rising costs weren't in line with the actual value of the tickets...and it was getting less enjoyable. I still made a point the next 2 years to go to a few games but while the team was better, the experience in the stands was worse. I rarely knew who I was sitting near so I felt more alone than I do when I'm actually alone. 

This year, with Covid and how isolated I've felt from my tailgating crew, I just didn't think much about checking into going. I wanted to go to the preseason game but checking on tickets, they were a little higher priced than I felt they were worth so I didn't bother.

Will I go to a game again? At some point, I will probably go but as to when, I have no idea. I have always been an introvert and a bit of a loner but I feel the loneliest in crowds.