Friday, October 4, 2024

This is as low as I've ever felt.


I'm 53 years old and single and have dealt with depression most of my life. There were a couple of times that I came close to attempting suicide and a couple of other times that I told people who were working to destroy my life that I was going to do it...wound up in the hospital the last time. What kept me from attempting anything wasn't that...it was my cats...I wasn't going to abandon them. 
Last week I lost my job after someone slandered me and got a "witness" who wasn't even there to back him up. I had had a couple of shouting matches with other employees in the past and I was in counseling the last few months. But after nearly 26 1/2 years in which I did more than anyone in the plant, I was tossed aside like trash because of a lie. There hasn't been a day yet that I haven't broken down sobbing uncontrollably. I've signed up with job recruiters and even have a medical exam today for one possible job which I may not be a good fit for at first. But I'm doing what I can to get work so I don't have to dip into savings anytime soon. However, the grief of my situation isn't going away and I think that if I didn't have a pair of feline children who I love, I would already be getting ready to end it all. As it is, I know that if something ever happened to my boys, I would be dead myself within a week. They're my only family left and I don't see friends more than once or twice a year.

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