Dating

 First there was M. I worked with her brother at McDonald's and she pursued me...she was 16, I was 21. We went to a school dance together and it was nice but she only wanted the one date which I wasn't happy about. About a year later, I wrote her when I was on medical hold at Basic and we agreed to give it another shot when I came home on leave. She helped me get through Basic by focusing on her instead of the pain from the shin splints I suffered because of the shoddy running shoes they issued us. When I came home on leave for Christmas, we went out a few times and it was really nice but it wasn't meant to last. When it came time to look at duty stations, I wanted to try for something close to home so I could see her on weekends but she didn't want me to miss out on different experiences and dumped me. Talked to her a few times after I got out but she had changed. One thing that sticks in my mind was how she told me that she lost her virginity to a guy who said he'd dump her if she didn't sleep with him...something that she knew I would never do.

The next time I dated was 2000. We met on a dating site and hit it off great..funny, smart, sweet, and gorgeous. She had muscular dystrophy and used a wheelchair but that didn't bother me at all. The date started off well but at dinner, she asked about some of my interests and all I could talk about was tailgating and tennis. Afterwards, I felt awful...wasn't trying to be insensitive but I was regardless. Years later, I had remembered her yahoo handle and emailed her to apologize. She accepted my apology pretty easily and she told me it worked out for her...married with a pair of kids in North Carolina. Great for her...she deserves it...but I fucked up and I think I am still being punished for it.

In February 2001, I dated J. First date went well...kind of. Movie and dinner went well but we stopped for drinks and we had nothing to talk about...but once we went outside, it was good again. We went on 1 more date and then she ended it...no explanation. Gave it another shot but 1 more date was it...no explanation.

In the fall, I dated K..a bisexual woman with a son. Truth be told, it was doomed from the start...she hated football and cheerleaders but we stayed together for a few months for 1 reason,..the sex. It wasn't great sex but it was sex. She ended it in mid-November claiming I hated her kid (he was definitely a spoiled brat but I never did or say anything to indicate that I hated him.) The truth came out a week and a half later when we were talking and she mentioned she had been seeing someone for a few weeks...time-line didn't match up. She apologized when she realized that she basically admitted that she cheated on me. We did hook up a month or so later after things ended with the other guy but that was that.

There was 1 girl I went out with a few times that I think, we were just in it for the wrong reasons. 1 actual date and a couple of hookups.

In late 2004, I had been friends with this one lady who eventually started dating an ex-bf from years before. His most recent ex befriended my friend and she wound up setting us up. We went out for a few months and while there was no real passion, it was progressing nicely. Then came December 30th. I was getting ready for work when she called to end it...no reason given. My friend thought it was because she had found out that the ex was about to propose to my friend...that she was only with me to stay close to him. Maybe...or maybe she just didn't see things progressing fast enough. I guess I'll never know for sure. 

I tried one set up a couple months later and had a couple hookups with someone a couple years later but I was done unless someone really blew me away.

Then came MM. I had been working with pro cheerleaders for several years and they had always seen me as photographer and blogger first, friend second and I was perfectly fine with that. But fate, and a director who didn't communicate, changed things. I had been going to the away game parties for a few years and when I showed up to one, I found it had been canceled and no one informed me before I made the trek up to Buffalo. I'm not one who's comfortable in bars when I don't know anyone there so during the first half, I checked my phone and found that MM was bartending in the 2nd half so at halftime, I went up to her bar. She had had an appearance in the 1st half so she showed up just after the 2nd half started. She and I had a good rapport, especially for a rookie but didn't know each other that well. She didn't wind up having to work so we watched the rest of the game and part of a late game on the patio and really bonded. We hung out a few more times throughout the season but I didn't show her any preferential treatment even though she seemed to see me as friend first, photographer and blogger second. When she got cut in the spring, I didn't reach out...but she did and we wound up hanging out a lot over the next few months. She really seemed to, and claimed to, value my friendship a lot. On Labor Day, we went on a date...no expectations and I didn't think of her as anything but a friend and I really valued what I had with her. 

About a week and a half later, I stopped by and she was getting set to go on a date and I admit I was a bit jealous which scared me because I didn't want to see her that way. But more than that, I didn't want her to think I saw her that way and make things weird between us. The following week included my birthday and I was planning on coming up that night...worked out that it was a Friday. But she invited me to come up Thursday...she was getting done early again but she only planned on going home to watch TV. Needless to say, I didn't go up because I didn't want to let on that I was feeling something more. The following week, things went south. I stopped in Thursday night after a stop in Orchard Park for some work and she was all excited because her mom was visiting for the weekend. Sunday came and I watched the game at her bar...and everything was different...she never introduced me to her mom and was very distant...she said we were ok but we obviously weren't. So I stayed away for a few weeks until things seemed better but for some reason the owner threw me out...and then some skinhead I had never seen before threatened my life. I contacted her after I got home...I had had plans to see some friends that night but was too shaken up after what had happened. She messaged me back a few days later claiming she had nothing to do with what happened but for the rest of the year, she played hot and cold...wanting to get together but backing out at the last minute. Then I saw her New Years Eve at another bar she was working at and things seemed ok...but then she restricted me on Facebook and when I started talking about dating someone, she got pissed and blocked me. Then she slandered me to the squad director and I thought about suicide. The one thing that made me feel like my life had meaning...like I mattered...was taken away because of someone who claimed that our friendship was special. To this day, I have no idea whether it was all a game to her from the start or what happened but I shut down....no further interest in dating or even getting close to anyone ever again.

Then came S. I checked out Onlyfans for the typical reasons but it felt empty. Few models treated me like a human being and considering the way a lot of fans talk to them, I can't completely fault them for it. About the same time, I had gotten on TikTok and found S...sweet, funny, and most importantly pure of heart. However she went viral and a lot of followers kept telling her to start an Onlyfans. I tried DMing her to hold off on it but she didn't see it and she did it. I didn't subscribe because I didn't want to see that she was just like the rest...wanted to keep thinking of her as the sweet, funny, pure of heart girl I saw before she did it. 15 months later, curiosity took hold and I finally subscribed and as much as I hate the way she's objectified, I am personally happy she did it because I got the chance to get to know her and find that she was just like I thought. Plus I would like to think that the way I treat her kinda balances out the creeps. Unlike the other girls I wrote about, we've never met let alone dated and with the considerable age gap, it's hard to think it would work out but she's developed this special talent to both excite me and soothe my soul at the same time. I joked with her early on, before I knew just how special she was, that I wish I could find a clone of her that's closer in age to me. Nowadays, I just wish I could put my consciousness into a younger body. But regardless of the fact that I may never meet S let alone get to take her dancing or to the museum that explores her heritage, she's always going to be special to me.

Why did I write all this? Partly to collect my thoughts...partly to let people know what has weighed on me for so many years. 

This is as low as I've ever felt.

I'm 53 years old and single and have dealt with depression most of my life. There were a couple of times that I came close to attempting suicide and a couple of other times that I told people who were working to destroy my life that I was going to do it...wound up in the hospital the last time. What kept me from attempting anything wasn't that...it was my cats...I wasn't going to abandon them. 

Last week I lost my job after someone slandered me and got a "witness" who wasn't even there to back him up. I had had a couple of shouting matches with other employees in the past and I was in counseling the last few months. But after nearly 26 1/2 years in which I did more than anyone in the plant, I was tossed aside like trash because of a lie. There hasn't been a day yet that I haven't broken down sobbing uncontrollably. I've signed up with job recruiters and even have a medical exam today for one possible job which I may not be a good fit for at first. But I'm doing what I can to get work so I don't have to dip into savings anytime soon. However, the grief of my situation isn't going away and I think that if I didn't have a pair of feline children who I love, I would already be getting ready to end it all. As it is, I know that if something ever happened to my boys, I would be dead myself within a week. They're my only family left and I don't see friends more than once or twice a year.

Dissecting all the idiotic and disgusting things in Butker's speech

"Things like abortion, IVF, surrogacy, euthanasia, as well as a growing support for degenerate cultural values in media, all stem from the pervasiveness of disorder"

Abortion is a hot button topic and thankfully his hatred of women having the rights to their own bodies is in the minority.

IVF and surrogacy are supported by both sides of the aisle. For someone who seems to place a high value on having children, this is a curious thing for him to attack.

Euthanasia is something that isn't taken lightly...for people whose lives are essentially over and only want to exit life with dignity. Does he favor suffering?

Disorder...the way he said it is troubling. You can't have total order in society...unless you try to force it in an authoritarian state.

"Our own nation is led by a man who publicly and proudly proclaims his Catholic faith, but at the same time is delusional enough to make the Sign of the Cross during a pro- abortion rally. He has been so vocal in his support for the murder of innocent babies that I'm sure to many people it appears that you can be both Catholic and pro-choice"

1... there's no such thing as a pro-abortion rally. Pro choice is not remotely the same thing. You can both be disgusted by abortion but also be disgusted by the prospect of a government telling someone what they can do with their own bodies because of their biology. Telling women that they don't have the right to control their own bodies is akin to slavery.

2...you can be Catholic and pro-choice 

This paragraph is filled with dishonesty 

"Not the deadly sin sort of pride that has an entire month dedicated to it,"

People need to get over the idiotic idea that being born differently is a sin...and anyone who can't accept that sexuality isn't a choice sounds like the flat earthers. People like to use the Bible as an excuse for their bigotry...and they're not much different from the people who used it to defend slavery.

"For the ladies present today, congratulations on an amazing accomplishment. You should be proud of all that you have achieved to this point in your young lives. I want to speak directly to you briefly because I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolical lies told to you. How many of you are sitting here now about to cross this stage and are thinking about all the promotions and titles you are going to get in your career? Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world."

While it's true that a lot of women are more fulfilled by becoming a homemaker than by anything else, and that's wonderful for them...it doesn't apply to every woman. Some have no interest in it and that's great for them as well. His "diabolical lies" statement is misogynistic... talking down to the women who had just finished 4 years of hard work to get their degrees...many in the hope that those degrees will assist them in careers that will make their lives so that they aren't dependent on finding a husband.

Also, it's interesting that with his focus on women and marriage and children, he said nothing on the same level towards the men...

"Be unapologetic in your masculinity, fighting against the cultural emasculation of men"

The bigotry, the dishonesty, the misogyny, and the idiocy in his speech makes him far from an expert in masculinity...maybe he should step back and learn from teammates like Travis Kelse.

Movies 2023

 2/17 Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania...wasn't as good as the 1st 2 films but I enjoyed it and I loved Kathryn Newton as the new Cassie Lang

3/10 65...watched it on streaming...Adam Driver played a space pilot from a distant planet who crash lands on Earth....65 million years ago...not long before the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs hit. He and the lone survivor among his passengers, a little girl who doesn't share his language, must escape the planet while escaping the dinosaurs....I thought it was pretty well done

3/17 Shazam Fury Of The Gods...watched it on streaming and it was mostly forgettable

5/5 Guardians Of The Galaxy Volume 3...If you saw it and didn't love it, I question if you have a soul

6/16 The Flash...better than I expected but still extremely flawed...Michael Keaton and Sasha Callie were great in their roles but Ezra Miller wasn't believable

6/30 Indiana Jones and The Dial of Destiny..obviously not as good as the 1st trio of movies but far superior to the Crystal Skull movie...I liked it better than Temple Of Doom myself

7/21 Barbie...watched it on streaming and it was silly...but it also had a good message behind it...to not let yourself be defined by your relationships, your job, or how others see you

9/18 Blue Beetle..watched it on streaming and it was actually one of the better DCEU movies introducing Jamie Reyes and his family

11/10 The Marvels...loved it....gave us a look at what Carol Danvers was doing between leaving Earth in the 90s and coming back after Fury paged her...brought her and Lt Trouble back together and brought Kamala Khan and her family out of New Jersey and into the greater MCU

12/22 Aquaman and The Lost Kingdom...while it wasn't on the level of the original...which was the 2nd best of all DCEU films..it was still outstanding but I do hope that deleted scenes are released when the movie comes to streaming because Mera and Atlanna barely showed up in the movie that showed up in theaters

Wing sauces

When I first discovered wings, I was eating butter and garlic primarily but soon graduated to medium and eventually started cooking my own. I haven't ordered out for wings since before I went into the service and generally make my own sauce....just Frank's, butter, and garlic powder. When Wingfest started in 2002, I started experiencing a wider variety of sauces and the best I ever had was the Buffalo Bliss from Parrot's Cay in Grand Forks, ND but I haven't had those since late 2014. In late 2021, I decided to start getting other wing sauces from the store to check out different flavors. I make wings once a week usually so I've been making some with my regular sauce and some with a store bought sauce. I'll be updating this as I review new sauces

Sweet Baby Ray's was just ok...nothing special about it
2 1/2 wings out of 5

Outstanding! Good zing but not overpowering the excellent flavor

5 wings

Also outstanding. A little stronger zing than the Frank's but doesn't overpower the flavor...not as garlicy as the Frank's

4 1/2 wings

Surprisingly is very good and thick so it sticks to the wing. Stronger zing to it than the above but a little less flavor

4 wings

Stay tuned

Stay tuned

Stay tuned

A look ahead at 2023 movies

February 17 Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania...the 3rd in the franchise features Kang The Conquerer as the main villain and a new Cassie Lang portrayed by Supernatural alum Kathryn Newton

March 17 Shazam! Fury of the Gods....don't know if I'll see it in the theater but I'll see it once it hits HBO Max

May 5 Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3...they're saying this is the final film with this group of Guardians and rumor is that one of the Guardians won't survive

June 16 The Flash...we'll see if it actually hits theaters finally...keeps getting delayed...some rumor have said it would focus around the Flashpoint storyline and both Ben Affleck and Michael Keaton are supposed to appear as their versions of Batman

June 30 Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny...Harrison Ford's final movie as Henry Jones Jr...set in 1969 with the space race as the backdrop...Sallah is the only one who returns with Indy from past films

July 28 The Marvels...sequel to Captain Marvel and features Carol, Ms Marvel, Monica "Lt Trouble" Rambeau, Fury, and Goose....Carol, Kamala, and Monica keep swapping places when they use their powers and they must find out why

August 18 Blue Beetle...another I may not see in the theaters but it centers on the DC Comics character

September 22 The Expendables 4...haven't seen any of them in the theaters but they're always entertaining and exciting

October 6 Kraven The Hunter...centered on Spiderman's enemy not set in the MCU but in the Sonyverse along with the Venom movies and Morbius....some have said these movies are in the same universe as the Amazing Spiderman movies with Andrew Garfield

December 20 Ghostbusters 4...a little over 2 years since Ghostbusters Afterlife with little details available but it's supposed to be back in NYC....with Winston as a key figure as well as Egon's grandkids....Vigo may be returning

December 25 Aquaman and The Lost Kingdom...was supposed to be released a year sooner but Covid and other issues have pushed back the release....little is known except that Black Manta, a secondary villain in the 1st film, will be the primary villain in this one. There's been talk of reshoots and rewrites to remove Amber Heard from the movie and this may be Jason Momoa's last run as Aquaman so a recasting might not happen for Mera. Ben Affleck is said to be returning as Bruce Wayne

A look back at 2022 movies

March 4-The Batman..had its moments and Colin Farrel as the Penguin was ok...but Paul Dano was a terrible Riddler, IMO and Zoe Kravitz as Catwoman threw herself at Batman way too easily it seemed. Gotham I thought had the best versions of Penguin and Riddler and Anne Hathaway was my favorite Catwoman

May 6-Dr Strange and The Multiverse of Madness...was mindblowing though I will say I was disappointed that Wanda went so dark...I had hoped that the events of WandaVision had straightened her out

May 27-Top Gun Maverick....what can be said that hasn't been said already? Maybe have said it was better than the 1986 original and while I won't go that far, it was damn close. The mission was predictable but well-done and the callbacks to the original were plentiful without taking over the narrative

June 10-Jurassic World Dominion...I loved Beta and the interactions between the cast of the original Jurassic Park and the newer stars but the focus on locusts was a terrible storyline, IMO. What makes the Jurassic movies amazing has been the dinosaurs....insects should be a side character instead of a focus

July 8-Thor Love and Thunder I honestly found this to be the worst of the Thor movies and I hope Chris Hemsworth gets his wish..to get a 5th film with a more serious script. Outside of Jane's cancer, it seemed this was more of a comedy than any MCU film....even the Guardians original

October 21-Black Adam....I'm not that familiar with the character but I thought it was really good. Pierce Brosnan made an outstanding Doctor Fate and Aldis Hodge was incredible as Hawkman. Of course The Rock brings a lot to the screen as Black Adam

November 11-Wakanda Forever...loved it but the original was better...though with the death of T'Challa, there was virtually no chance of living up to that. Angela Bassett has been mentioned as an Oscar nominee for her role as the Queen Mother and while Namor has some comic inaccuracies, his motives made sense.

Moonfall...saw it on HBO a month or so ago...definitely an eye-opening disaster film with Halle Berry

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent which I saw on TV a few weeks ago. It was pretty funny...Nick Cage seemingly made fun of his own idiosyncracies in playing a somewhat fictionalized version of himself.

League Of SuperPets which I saw on HBOMax....it was cute and funny...THe Rock as Krypto and Kevin Hart as Ace were highlights...they make a hell of a duo

Uncharted...just saw it on Netflix this weekend and I thought it was really good...kept me on the edge of my seat

Lost City....just saw it on EPIX and it was kinda silly...a romance novelist gets kidnapped and forced to look for a treasure she writes about it her latest book and the cover model for her books has to actually be the hero his character is

Morbius...just saw it on Netflix this weekend and it was ok but didn't excite me in the least...the release was delayed 6 times and while I didn't hate it, they could've kept delaying it

some days

I feel like the only thing keeping me going is Jared and Jensen. If not for them I don't know what I would do...whether I would be around much longer 

some deep thoughts

 My last relationship ended Dec 30, 2004....she had only been dating me to stay close to her ex, who was dating a friend of mine that I spent a lot of time with at the time. Had a girlfriend a few years prior who I had nothing in common with...except sex....it ended because it wasn't enough sex for her...she cheated on me. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened had things worked out with the 1st girl I dated from online. She was an absolutely gorgeous redhead who was sweet, intelligent, and easy to talk to...she also had muscular dystrophy and used a wheelchair. I didn't think that would be an issue but maybe the prospect of dating someone caused me to sabotage the date....talking about tennis and tailgating so much. Sometimes I wonder if I'm being punished for screwing that up. I knew after the date that I screwed up...hell, I think I knew during the date. Many years later, I emailed her...I had remembered her Yahoo handle and hoped she still checked that email address. I may have apologized after the date but I don't remember for sure. In my email, I thoroughly apologized to her...I wasn't being a jerk to her but thoughtless. The purpose of the email wasn't for a 2nd chance...this was over a decade later and even if it had been sooner, I don't think I would have deserved one. I just wanted to apologize and hoped she was well. She emailed me back to thank me...said she was in North Carolina and happily married with children. Sounds like things worked out for the best for her but there will probably always be a part of me that regrets my thoughtlessness,

My last encounter was in January 2007...we hooked up a couple of times but there was little connection between us. There was another girl a few years before her...don't recall exactly when...pretty much the same thing.

My last date...Labor Day 2011...with someone I thought was a good friend but may have wanted more until her mother found out about our age difference....or maybe she was playing me all along. I honestly don't know. It felt like a real friendship but given my history with women, the latter seems pretty likely.
Maybe  this all stems from never having a good relationship with my mother...I don't know...but I usually get the worst from women I ever feel close to...there have been 3 that wrecked me so badly that I thought about ending my life at the time. The last time, in 2012, after the girl I had the date with in 2011 destroyed something I valued very deeply...the only thing that saved me was my boys...I couldn't leave Oreo and Derek without a father.

These days, as I approach 51, there's a part of me that hates being single...but the feelings I've felt from other women working to destroy my confidence and life....left scars too deep to ignore. There are a few women who I've thought about but one lives so far away and has been burnt as badly as I have....the other, I haven't seen in over a decade except on social media. Regardless, the scars remain

Things I think

 Whoopi Goldberg was right and wrong. On one hand, when we think about race, it’s generally skin color and in that respect, Hitler’s hatred of the Jews wasn’t about racism because Judaism is a religion and not a skin color. On the other hand, other than the human race, race is essentially a social construct and many Jewish people consider themselves to be a race unto themselves so it would be a form of racism after all.  The biggest flaw in what Whoopi said was that she made it seem like she was trivializing Hitler’s hatred of the Jews as simple hatred. While I’m pretty sure that wasn’t her intention, her words mattered. Hated is something that can’t be trivialized…people who hate based on skin color, religion, sexuality, or any number of things that aren’t dependent on a person’s character are not good people..but they can change if they choose to. I know my father was bigoted to an extent but he let go of some of that before he passed away. Hatred should be reserved for people who are purely evil…people like Hitler, Putin, Manson, Dahmer, and Trump. A lot of people hate others because of their political views. Maybe it’s because I’m a right-leaning moderate but I think both sides of the aisle have something positive to contribute. 

There are extremists on both sides. On the right, it’s people who worship Trump and fascism. They deny reality and are afraid of education. They're outspoken against Critical Race Theory....which is a graduate level course on history without the whitewashing that most history teachers have taught. On the left, it’s the people who take things to the extreme. Here’s an example…statues of Confederate leaders are coming down from places of honor…statues that celebrate traitors who fought to protect the institution of slavery and were erected to promote the ideology of white supremacy. There is no reasonable reason to stop taking them down. Honoring traitors whose greatest claim to fame was to fight on the side of evil can’t be justified to decent human beings. But where extremists on the left are getting carried away is that they’re going after statues of people who did some great positive things to be remembered for but they had some serious flaws as well. Washington and Jefferson owned slaves…Lincoln freed the slaves but still didn’t see the black man as his equal. Do these flaws need to be acknowledged better? Absolutely…but those flaws weren’t their main attributes by any means nor should their positive accomplishments be overshadowed by the negatives in their character. People who do great things deserve to be honored for them…if you only honor perfect people, you’ll never honor anyone.

I grew up a Republican and loved how Reagan stood up to the Soviet Union, despite his economic policies…how far the Republican party has fallen since then. Their economic policies are still flawed but whereas they used to be strong on defense and against Russia, now they follow a coward who chose Putin and Russia over America…Reagan has to be rolling over in his grave. It’s nice to see some of them siding with Ukraine  now that Putin has attacked them but where was that support when Trump was illegally extorting them to try to rig the 2020 election? Why weren’t they standing against Russia when Putin attacked our democracy with disinformation in 2016 and beyond? Or when Putin put bounties on the heads of our military.  Better late than never, I guess? But if they still support Putin’s efforts in the US, standing against him in Ukraine is just window dressing…nothing more. 

Now, I hate Trump and won’t apologize for that…he’s a career con artist who divided the country I proudly served…his supporters and worshipers I don’t hate. I don’t have a high opinion of them because while some love Trump because he hates the same people they hate, I think a lot follow him out of ignorance and gullibility. They think that because he’s not a career politician, he couldn’t possibly be corrupt. Corruption exists outside of politics though and Trump set new levels of corruption that would make Nixon look saintly And then of course there’s the treason and all the other crimes. The funniest thing about their worship is the insane theory that QAnon has spread that he was sent by God to stop pedophiles. Really? The living embodiment of the 7 Deadly Sins was sent by God? The guy who was BFFs with Jeffrey Epstein and has 26 sexual assault allegations against him, including from a 13 year old girl…who bragged about getting away with sexual assault…who bragged about going into the dressing rooms of teenage girls who were dressing and undressing…is going to stop pedophiles? I don’t hate these people…I pity them…I pity their inability to think and their blind worship of the closest thing to the Antichrist we’ve seen since Hitler. I’m not religious…but more agnostic than atheist and the Bible is pretty clear on followers of the Antichrist. I don’t think anyone worships Biden…we elected him because the alternative was pure evil. The vast majority of Biden voters acknowledge his flaws…Trump worshipers deny his, though. They actually try to claim the worst thing he ever did was mean tweets....it takes a special kind of ignorant to believe that

If you’re a Trump worshipper and reading this…wake the fuck up.

missing the Bills opener

I got Bills season tickets in 1996 and for the 1st time in all those years, outside of what happened last year, I won't be going to the home opener...and why? Loneliness

When I first got seasons, I had a pair and my buddy and I always had people coming along. When he dropped his, he just came along with me and it was like that for 6 years minus a few games here and there. In 2006, it all changed...he quit coming to games altogether even though I had already bought the seats. I sat alone most of that year but I knew plenty of the people around me and I had my work with the Jills. When I dropped the extra seat in 2007, I saved some money and the aggravation of trying to find someone to go with...but I still had everything else. When I switched seats in 2011, I still had my Jills work and I already knew some people in my new section. It started going downhill the following season after the Jills director slandered me...the work was a little less enjoyable and then when she shut down the squad after allegations of mistreatment came to light in a lawsuit, it dried up completely. Interesting that the mistreatment started after I was gone but that's another story. I still knew people around me so I could still enjoy the games...to an extent. As bad as the team was, the games got less fun.

In 2018, I dropped my seasons for a variety of reasons...taking time off work was getting harder..I was buying a house...the rising costs weren't in line with the actual value of the tickets...and it was getting less enjoyable. I still made a point the next 2 years to go to a few games but while the team was better, the experience in the stands was worse. I rarely knew who I was sitting near so I felt more alone than I do when I'm actually alone. 

This year, with Covid and how isolated I've felt from my tailgating crew, I just didn't think much about checking into going. I wanted to go to the preseason game but checking on tickets, they were a little higher priced than I felt they were worth so I didn't bother.

Will I go to a game again? At some point, I will probably go but as to when, I have no idea. I have always been an introvert and a bit of a loner but I feel the loneliest in crowds.

Supernatural finale

15 seasons came to an end Thursday night and the reviews haven't been kind from most fans. Here's my take though.

The 1-hour retrospective show was nice but rushed. It should have been a 2-hour piece. Yeah, they gave love to several recurring fan favorite characters but where were Ellen, Jo, and Ash...Rufus, Charlie, Meg, and Ruby...Lisa, Ben, and Samuel...Gabriel, Billie, and Eileen...Claire, Alex, and Donna? I honestly hoped for the last 3 most of all. Twice, they looked at doing a spin off series. The first attempt, in season 9, focused on clans of monsters running the Chicago underworld...it didn't garner much interest. 4 seasons later, they tried again and instead of focusing on monsters, they focused on family....and instead of introducing a pack of all new characters, they used established fan favorites...Jody Mills, the Sherriff of Sioux Falls, South Dakota...Donna Hanscum, the Sherriff of Stillwater, Minnesota. Both had established themselves as allies and skilled hunters over the years and were to be mother figures to a quartet of young women...Claire Novak, whose father had agreed to be the vessel for the angel of Castiel, Alex Jones, kidnapped as a child and raised by vampires...Claire and Alex became proven hunters and the additions of Patience Turner and Kaia Nieves made it a promising group to focus a new show on. Krissy Chambers could have been a great add to the show as well, the child of a hunter who was killed by a vampire between her 1st and 2nd appearances on the show. But CW didn't pick it up. Anyway, out of those women, only Jody got her due in the retrospective...Donna got mentioned in the finale. Now, I know Kathryn Newton has been a busy lady in Hollywood the last few years but she still appreciates her Supernatural family and I'm sure would've been happy to film an interview for the retrospective. And I know Katherine Ramdeen would've jumped at the chance to portray Alex again.
As great as it was to give love to Mary, Bobby, Castiel, Crowley, Rowena, Chuck, and even Lucifer....I think they shortchanged the fans by not including more...in a longer show, obviously. An hour just wouldn't have given the characters and actors justice.

Regarding the finale itself, I thought it was fitting that it finished with a hunt on the most classic monster...vampires....even bringing back a victim turned monster from season 1. THAT was a great touch. The fact that Dean died fighting monsters....fitting....but impaled on a piece of rebar? Come on! Seriously? The one positive to it was that he was given the chance to talk to Sammy when he knew he wasn't going to make it. 
Sammy going on to live a normal life after a final hunt seemed fitting...he had been trying to live a normal life before the series started and gave it a go again when Dean was in purgatory. They didn't show his eventual wife except from a distance....I would imagine it was Eileen. I do wonder what happened with the Bunker, though. Also, when Jack took over for Chuck, he restored the people in the world....did he bring back the people from the apocalypse world as well? Alternate world versions of Bobby and Charlie became beloved characters and allies.
Lots of questions left unanswered

Hatred

Hatred....It's an ugly emotion. President Obama had a goal of eliciting hope among Americans. Trump, on the other hand, has worked to elicit hatred from Day one. His most ardent supporters hate minorities, liberals, and simple human decency. Now, keep in mind that I said his most ardent supporters...he does have supporters that aren't so filled with hatred...they just either don't pay attention or they buy into ridiculous conspiracy theories. Trump's supporters aren't the only ones who Trump elicits hatred in. The rest of us hate his corruption, his racism, his history of sexual assault, his attacks on the Constitution and those of us who swore oaths, fought, and died to defend it. 

Regarding Trump's worshippers however, many of us do hate them because of their allegiance to him. I don't hate them however. Trump is the closest thing to the Antichrist we've seen since Hitler and while I'm not religious myself, most of them are...and the Bible is very clear on what happens to followers of the Antichrist. I don't hate Trump worshippers...the ones I don't know don't even register as being worthy of eliciting my hatred. When it comes to the Trump worshippers that I do know, though...It's complicated. I don't hate them...I'm disappointed in them and if there's a heaven and a hell,  I feel sorry for them and hope they wake up before It's too late.

no family left

I've always been a bit of a loner but I have to admit, with my father having passed during this pandemic, this is probably the most alone I've ever felt. My brother is a racist and I don't care to ever see him again so the only family I have left are Jared and Jensen.

Why do we refer to Trump worshippers as stupid?

THIS WAS ON A FRIEND’S PAGE: An anguished question from a Trump supporter: ‘Why do liberals think Trump supporters are stupid?’

THE SERIOUS ANSWER: Here’s what the majority of anti-Trump voters honestly feel about Trump supporters en masse:

That when you saw a man who had owned a fraudulent University, intent on scamming poor people, you thought "Fine." (https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2018/04/10/trump-university-settlement-judge-finalized/502387002/)
That when you saw a man who had made it his business practice to stiff his creditors, you said, "Okay." (https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-hotel-paid-millions-in-fines-for-unpaid-work)
That when you heard him proudly brag about his own history of sexual abuse, you said, "No problem." (https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/list-trumps-accusers-allegations-sexual-misconduct/story?id=51956410)
That when he made up stories about seeing Muslim-Americans in the thousands cheering the destruction of the World Trade Center, you said, "Not an issue." (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2015/11/22/donald-trumps-outrageous-claim-that-thousands-of-new-jersey-muslims-celebrated-the-911-attacks/)
That when you saw him brag that he could shoot a man on Fifth Avenue and you wouldn't care, you exclaimed, "He sure knows me." (https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2019/10/23/president-donald-trump-could-shoot-someone-without-prosecution/4073405002/)
That when you heard him relating a story of an elderly guest of his country club, an 80-year old man, who fell off a stage and hit his head, to Trump replied: “‘Oh my God, that’s disgusting,’ and I turned away. I couldn’t—you know, he was right in front of me, and I turned away. I didn’t want to touch him. He was bleeding all over the place. And I felt terrible, because it was a beautiful white marble floor, and now it had changed color. Became very red.” You said, "That's cool!" (https://www.gq.com/story/donald-trump-howard-stern-story)
That when you saw him mock the disabled, you thought it was the funniest thing you ever saw. (https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2016-election/donald-trump-criticized-after-he-appears-mock-reporter-serge-kovaleski-n470016)
That when you heard him brag that he doesn't read books, you said, "Well, who has time?" (https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2018/01/americas-first-post-text-president/549794/)
That when the Central Park Five were compensated as innocent men convicted of a crime they didn't commit, and he angrily said that they should still be in prison, you said, "That makes sense." (https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2019/06/19/what-trump-has-said-central-park-five/1501321001/)
That when you heard him tell his supporters to beat up protesters and that he would hire attorneys, you thought, "Yes!" (https://www.latimes.com/politics/la-na-trump-campaign-protests-20160313-story.html)
That when you heard him tell one rally to confiscate a man's coat before throwing him out into the freezing cold, you said, "What a great guy!" (https://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/donald-trump-orders-protesters-coat-is-confiscated-and-he-is-sent-into-the-cold-a6802756.html)
That you have watched the parade of neo-Nazis and white supremacists with whom he curries favor, while refusing to condemn outright Nazis, and you have said, "Thumbs up!" (https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2018/08/why-cant-trump-just-condemn-nazis/567320/)
That you hear him unable to talk to foreign dignitaries without insulting their countries and demanding that they praise his electoral win, you said, "That's the way I want my President to be." (https://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-insult-foreign-countries-leaders_n_59dd2769e4b0b26332e76d57)
That you have watched him remove expertise from all layers of government in favor of people who make money off of eliminating protections in the industries they're supposed to be regulating and you have said, "What a genius!" (https://www.politico.com/agenda/story/2017/12/29/138-trump-policy-changes-2017-000603)
That you have heard him continue to profit from his businesses, in part by leveraging his position as President, to the point of overcharging the Secret Service for space in the properties he owns, and you have said, "That's smart!" (https://www.usnews.com/opinion/articles/2018-03-05/how-is-donald-trump-profiting-from-the-presidency-let-us-count-the-ways)
That you have heard him say that it was difficult to help Puerto Rico because it was in the middle of water and you have said, "That makes sense." (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/politics/wp/2017/09/26/the-very-big-ocean-between-here-and-puerto-rico-is-not-a-perfect-excuse-for-a-lack-of-aid/)
That you have seen him start fights with every country from Canada to New Zealand while praising Russia and quote, "falling in love" with the dictator of North Korea, and you have said, "That's statesmanship!" (https://www.cnn.com/2019/07/02/politics/donald-trump-dictators-kim-jong-un-vladimir-putin/index.html)
That Trump separated children from their families and put them in cages, managed to lose track of 1500 kids, has opened a tent city incarceration camp in the desert in Texas - he explains that they’re just “animals” - and you say, “Well, OK then.” (https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/more-5-400-children-split-border-according-new-count-n1071791)
That you have witnessed all the thousand and one other manifestations of corruption and low moral character and outright animalistic rudeness and contempt for you, the working American voter, and you still show up grinning and wearing your MAGA hats and threatening to beat up anybody who says otherwise. (https://www.americanprogress.org/issues/democracy/reports/2018/06/04/451570/confronting-cost-trumps-corruption-american-families/)

What you don't get, Trump supporters, is that our succumbing to frustration and shaking our heads, thinking of you as stupid, may very well be wrong and unhelpful, but it's also...hear me...charitable.

Because if you're NOT stupid, we must turn to other explanations, and most of them are less flattering.

- Adam-Troy Castro

(To all who agree with its content, I ask that you PLEASE SHARE IT on your own post, and ENCOURAGE OTHERS to do the same.)

Will this offend some? Sure...but consider this. Trump has shit on the Constitution with the talk of a Muslim ban during the 2016 campaign, with his daily attacks on the free press, insulted POWs, and made a mockery of everyone who lost his/her life fighting to stop Hitler, the man whose rise to power that Trump modeled his campaign after. Siding with him offends those of us who value the oath we swore to defend the Constitution.

So if this offends you, I'll tell you one of the things that we get told...SUCK IT UP! And that's one of the nicer things we get told.

5 things I think

1. This will be the 1^st time in 3 years I’ll watch the Super Bowl live. After the Cheatriots won in 2017, I told myself I’d never watch again if the Cheatriots are playing. Watching them get away with BS calls and the way the announcers suck them off got disgusting as well as an affront to the game. I did watch the halftime show the following season but didn’t watch the game until the following week because the Cheatriots lost. Haven’t watched a minute of last year’s game.
2. When did it become a bad thing to get a compliment? Some female members of the media seem to hate compliments whether it be about their looks or whatever else. Now, in some cases, yes…some “compliments” have a misogynistic undertone to them if a viewer only notices their looks. My favorite reporter, Erica Brecher, got a rather misogynistic comment early on in her Buffalo career….some guy complaining about her glasses. As I told her, the only person whose opinion really matters on her looks is her…and, to an extent, her fiancé (now husband) but I did tell her I thought she was cute with or without the glasses. Now, she’s not my favorite because I think she’s cute…she’s great at her job…gives stories the appropriate feel no matter if they’re light-hearted or heavy-hitting. She’s also got an engaging personality, loves cats, and is a Penn State alum. Her looks are #5 on the list of things I like about her…and sometimes, I’ve seen her look more amazing than cute. More often than not, I think most viewers can notice looks as well as the job being done. To be fair though, when a new face comes on the newscast, it’s human nature to notice that person’s appearance right off the bat. If that’s all a person notices then, well…then that’s not a positive thing. There’s a number of very attractive women on Buffalo TV and I realize I’m only speaking for myself, but I rarely compliment them on their looks unless I’m complimenting them on the job they’ve done as well. But even then, some see the comment on their looks and just ignore everything else being said.
3. It’s time for the GOP to go the way of the dodo. It’s not unheard of for a political party to die off, either…the Whigs, the Federalists, the Free Soil Party, the Democratic-Republican Party. Friday, the Senators in the GOP chose to make the impeachment trial a total cover-up by blocking witnesses and documents that would further incriminate Trump as having committed impeachable acts in violation of the Constitution. These Senators all swore oaths to uphold that Constitution but they put their own political careers first. Senators like McConnell and Graham should follow Trump to prison when all is said and done.
4. It’s past time for the 2-party system to go away. Too often, people assume your party and your political leanings based on how you view Trump. There are Republicans who saw him for what he is and Democrats who were taken in by the career con artist. It’s ignorant to say the least and it says that there are people unwilling to think for themselves, to look past party lines into who the candidates actually are. I’ll admit that at one time, I was kind of guilty of that. I voted Republican every time through 2000. Until I moved to NYS in 1999, I was a registered Republican and didn’t pay much attention to politics. A lot of people are like that and quite honestly, uninformed voters are more dangerous than people who don’t vote at all. So many people automatically believe anything their party spreads without thinking about how it sounds.
5. Abortion…I think the very idea of it is disgusting…but it’s also disgusting to let the government tell anyone what they can do with their body….and let’s be honest, until the fetus is viable, it’s a part of the mother. The whole thing is kind of misogynistic to be honest. The majority of people wanting to ban abortion can’t have them anyway. I think they’d have a different tune if the idea was posed to force men to get vasectomies until the time comes that they and their partner decide to have a child. Overturning Roe V Wade won’t stop them from happening…but it’ll make them more dangerous. Education is the best way to curb abortion. Oh, and to those who think supporting Trump is the Pro-life way (pro-birth is the proper term), you’ve been conned. He’s on the anti-abortion bandwagon for votes...nothing else. There have been reports that he wanted Tiffany aborted. And considering his proclivity for cheating on his wives and not using protection, odds are there are more than a few abortions that happened because of him. BTW, I have to wonder how awkward that must be between Ivanka and Tiffany….Trump lusts for Ivanka but wanted Tiffany aborted

Sunday thoughts and misogynistic comments towards reporters

Let me just start this off by saying yes, I'm a guy and I like seeing beautiful women. Also, when I see a new female reporter on TV, her looks are the 1st thing I notice...it's human nature. However, it takes a pretty shallow person to focus on looks alone. Buffalo has plenty of very attractive female reporters, including a few former beauty pageant winners but for me, the way they do their jobs is what's most important to me. Personality is a big factor as well. I don't care how attractive a person is...if they have a rotten personality, they could do their report in a bikini and I wouldn't tune in.
The reason I bring this up is because I caught some tweets this morning from Jenna Harner, an attractive sports reporter from WIVB whose enthusiasm for her job shines through in her reports. Apparently, one of her colleagues got an email from a viewer telling she needs to change her hairstyle. There is NO instance in which that's remotely acceptable. A few years back, Erica Brecher got an email from some guy complaining about her glasses. Now personally, I think she's attractive with or without glasses but the only person who needs to be satisfied with the way she looks is herself and, to an extent, her then-fiance now-husband Andrew. Now, there's a reporter who used to work in Buffalo who's changed her hairstyle since leaving and, to be honest, I think her past hairstyle was a lot better look for her, even though she's still a beauty. I still follow her on social media because, in addition to her beauty, she's great at her job and has a great personality. You know what I've said to her about her hairstyle? NOT A DAMN THING...because it's none of my business and it wouldn't be even if she were still in Buffalo. She's been happy with it and presumably her husband has been happy with it as well. No one else needs to have any input on how she looks. It's one thing to pay a beautiful woman a compliment but insulting a woman's looks is never acceptable.
For me, my favorite female reporters are the ones who can cover a light-hearted story that makes you feel good but can also convey the gravity of a tough story to make you aware of how important it is. Erica Brecher and Angela Christoforos are both great with that. When it comes to sports reporting, some guys sadly don't give females the respect they deserve. Melissa Stark and Suzy Kolber are a pair of national names who are great at their jobs while still turning heads. Locally, I loved Lauren Brill before she left for Cleveland because she treated every interview with the same importance, which can mean a lot to a person. I remember when the Bills had training camp in Fredonia and I went regularly and got autographs in my media guide. In 1996, while waiting for players to come by, I witnessed a fan hold out some trading cards for a 6th round pick to sign. When the player told him that he wasn't on those cards, the fan just dismissed him and left. That player looked a little hurt by that but he brightened up when he came to me and I had my media guide opened to his page to sign. It may seem such a small thing to treat people well but it can mean the world to some people...something that Brill understands.
Physical beauty is great for a reporter to have but their looks aren't usually what they have their jobs for and they shouldn't be insulted if something in their looks doesn't please you.

Sunday thoughts---the Wall and Trump’s shutdown

Let me start by saying the very idea of Trump’s wall is STUPID…it’s not about border security….it’s a monument to Trump’s ego and maybe a financial boon to his allies (where’s he planning on getting the steel? His own buildings aren’t built with American steel.)…nothing more.

For one thing, most illegal immigration is a case where people come here legally and overstay their visas so why is Trump focused on the border to Mexico? It’s twofold…it’s well-known that Trump is a racist and to be fair, Mexico has a lot of crime. When that “caravan” was coming that Trump talked about before the election (afterwards, not so much), there were people wondering why they didn’t just seek asylum in Mexico. Why would refugees fleeing a crime-ridden country seek asylum in another crime-ridden country? I swear, if people had to prove they had common sense before posting on social media, the world of social media would be a lot smaller.

Another issue…the length of the border itself. The border between the US and Mexico is 1933 miles…counting natural barriers like the Rio Grande and the Colorado River. There’s a lot of border space that Trump is ignoring along Canada (5525 miles),the coastlines, and the shorelines of the Great Lakes.

https://fas.org/sgp/crs/misc/RS21729.pdf

He claims he wants to stop criminals from coming but what’s to stop criminals from going around the walls….or under or over as they’ve done for years with the current barriers? Not a damn thing! The only people his wall would stop are the poor who are coming here to seek asylum…which is legal. If Trump were really concerned with securing the borders, he’d construct a wall all around the United States but wait…that’s just by land or sea. Most illegal immigrants arrive by air…guess we need a dome. Sounds stupid, right? Just like the wall. There are already barriers in place and yes, some could be improved upon…but in no way, shape, or form, should natural barriers be interfered with in any way.

That brings up another point…the effect on the environment. There are wildlife refuges right where Trump wants to put some of his wall. Humans share this planet with other life forms and we’ve already driven some species to extinction. Our planet has a very delicate eco-system and every species has a part to play in it…though what houseflies and mosquitoes contribute is beyond me. We need to protect our planet. The movie Independence Day featured aliens who visited worlds to plunder their natural resources and essentially kill the planet. Who needs aliens when we’re doing that on our own? We need to protect our wildlife and environment because despite what the orange idiot says, climate change is very real. The movie 2012 looked at what we could be looking at if we don’t clean up our act. Truthfully, the movie did go to extremes…we aren’t looking at an ice age like that anytime soon but our polar ice caps are melting and ocean levels are rising while the habitats of some animals are disappearing. We’re not past the point of no return yet but it’s not far off if we don’t work on cleaning up our acts.

https://www.vox.com/2018/3/28/17152644/trump-border-wall-texas-environment-refuge-butterflies

Back to the shutdown. It’s been going on for over 2 weeks. Some people are out of work because of it. Some are stuck working with no pay. Neither of those situations is acceptable to anyone with a soul. The Democrats have come up with plans to reopen the government and fix those situations. Republicans have been in favor of these same plans…but Mitch McConnell, whose love for blind obstructionist tactics is well documented, refuses to let anything happen unless his fuhrer is ok with it. When did Congress stop being about checks and balances and go to being a rubber stamp on whatever the President wants? Trump is about as evil a politician as we’ve ever had but let’s face it, enablers like McConnell are complicit when they refuse to do the jobs they were elected to do…not to block an agenda or to serve an agenda, but to serve the American public to do what’s right for the nation.

Looking ahead to 2019-a resolution re: social media When they go low, we go high…words to live by

Social media can be a wonderful thing…can easily keep in touch with lots of people at once and not just people you personally know. With me, I’ve connected with old friends from before social media, people from tailgating, and a lot of people through my work with the Jills and Bandettes. And that’s just Facebook. I’ve lost track of all the people of celebrity status like actors and actresses and pro athletes that I not only follow but follow me back on Twitter and/or Instagram.

Unfortunately, there’s a negative to social media as well…and I’m not talking about the addiction that some people have to it that keeps them from paying attention to the world around them. While you can easily connect and converse with people you want to, you can also get sucked into connecting and conversing with the dregs of society as well….the bigots and the ignorant hateful people. The last few years, with a career con artist and renowned bigoted moron in the White House, those types of people have come out of the woodwork, no longer hiding in the shadows and under sheets like they used to. Scary thing is, with social media, you find out that you know many of those people...it’s an eye opener to find out that the people you thought were great people have some ugly bigoted skeletons in their closets.

Anyway, I’ve become a lot more politically aware the last few years and have weighed in on social media…unfortunately, many of those dregs like to “weigh in” as well…but since they don’t have facts on their side, they generally just hurl insults. Now, while I’m generally bringing facts to the table, I confess I’ve hurled plenty of insults back in addition.

So for my New Year’s resolution, I’m curbing the insults as much as possible. Some will slip out, I know but I’m going to try to follow the mantra of 2018’s most admired woman, Michelle Obama. “When they go low, we go high.” Instead of hurling insults right back, when I’m tempted to, I’ll simply block them. They’re not worth the time to insult.

For example, over the weekend, I paid a compliment to a friend on a photo she posted on Instagram. Then yesterday, some clown with a private account made some stupid and stalkerish comments towards me after that compliment. Rather than point out his obvious issues, I simply blocked him. People whose only goal on social media is to be scumbags are likely just as bad away from social media and they aren’t exactly getting a heavenly reward when all is said and done.

2018 my year in review

2018 has been a big year with some a couple of major changes for me, both of which I wondered if they’d ever happen.

First, after 22 years, I dropped my Bills season tickets…a decision I didn’t make lightly and has been coming for a few years to be honest. Since 2012, going to games has gotten to be less enjoyable for me each year. In 2006, when my season ticket partner bailed on me halfway through the 1^st game, I started sitting alone. For the 1^st 6 years of that, it wasn’t an issue…between people I knew around me and my work with the Jills, I kept busy. In 2012, it got a little less enjoyable and in 2014, it got even less so.

The tailgating was a different story…it stayed fun a little longer but the last few years, all the effort put in with all the prep work on Saturday, getting there early on Sunday to try to save spots for people that take for granted that you can save spots forever, cooking food that started going to waste, trying to get everything put away so we can get into the game on time, and all the clean up the next day…it started taking its toll. Add into that the increased costs between tickets, parking, and gas as well as all the drive time, it just wasn’t worth it to me to continue more than a few games a season. Maybe one day I’ll get them again…though if the Bills move downtown where tailgating will be compromised, the odds will be against it.

Secondly, I bought a house…it’s nothing spectacular but it’s mine and unlike the way my apartment had started falling apart after my original landlord passed, it’s nice. I still have a lot of work I want to do with it but I’m happy when I get home…and not just because I’m getting home to my boys. Speaking of whom, they have their own room though they don’t spend much time there in the winter…the only heating duct upstairs is in the spare bedroom and they like to sleep on or near that lately lol. Beyond that, it’s so nice being able to take my laundry to the basement instead of a Laundromat and having my own driveway is incredible. When I got home from Erie this past Friday, the car has remained parked instead of having to move it at 10am every day. Hell, today was the 1^st day I even went to the car since Friday! There’s a bunch of stuff I want to do next year with it…get the gutters cleaned and guarded and filling the side yard so I can get it planted being the top ones. Right now, it’s all roots through much of the side yard so I’m figuring if I can get an inch or 2 deep of dirt in there, I can plant grass and make it worthwhile.